Why is this so hard for me? I want everything to make sense. I want the answers to be logical and rational. I want the solutions that have been proven scientifically. How can I learn to trust that God knows better than I even when things don't make sense?
I KNOW He knows better than I. He's proven it many times. But I forget it so easily. My brain wants to understand things that maybe only my heart can understand.
I often have nights when my mind is so full of thoughts that I can't sleep. That happened last night. I was fighting what I thought I should do but just didn't feel like doing. I was tired and frustrated and disappointed in myself. I wanted to sleep, but my brain just wouldn't let me. So I did what I usually do when this happens. I took a book and a blanket and sat in the recliner with a lamp right next to me and started reading. Reading almost always puts me to sleep. With the lamp next to me, I could easily turn it off when I was about to fall asleep. And I slept pretty well. But I woke up to the same thoughts swirling in my head - worries about problems I didn't have a clear solution for, guilt for making the same dumb mistakes over and over.
As my family gathered in the living room to pray and read scriptures I told my kids (who were also pretty tired too) I'd like to just go back to bed and sleep all day and they agreed that sounded good. But we didn't. We got ourselves moving and getting ready for school. And off to school we went.
